Beyond the Buzzword: What Does "Doing the Work" Actually Mean in Therapy?

If you spend any time talking about mental health or scrolling through wellness spaces online, you’ve likely run across the phrase "doing the work." It sounds noble, necessary, and profound. But it also sounds incredibly vague. Does "doing the work" mean journaling until your hand cramps? Does it mean practicing box breathing when you're overwhelmed? Or does it just mean sitting on a therapist's couch once a week, talking about your childhood?

In my opinion, true therapy is not just about symptom reduction—it is about transformational change. When we talk about "the work," we are talking about creating a intentional space to slow down, make sense of what you are experiencing, and begin building entirely new ways of relating to yourself and others. But depending on where you are in your life journey, that "work" looks remarkably specific. Here is what it actually looks like in practice.

1. In Individual & Perinatal Therapy: Rewriting the Internal Script

The perinatal period—the journey through pregnancy and early postpartum—is one of the most profound identity shifts a person can experience. Here, "doing the work" isn't about learning how to be a "perfect" parent. It is about untangling your history from your present.

When you do the work in perinatal care, you are:

• Slowing down the intrusive thoughts: Learning to sit with the immense anxiety, identity loss, or shifting body dynamics without judgment.
• Separating past from present: Examining the parenting blueprints you were given, deciding what to keep, and intentionally discarding what no longer serves you.
• Relating to yourself with grace: Moving away from the pressure of "shoulds" and learning to extend deep, radical compassion to yourself as you navigate a completely new version of who you are.

2. In Relationships: The Imago Approach to Connection

When couples come into therapy, they often think "doing the work" means learning how to argue less or coming up with a chore chart. But real relationship transformation goes much deeper.

Using Imago Relationship Therapy, we look at conflict not as a sign that a relationship is broken, but as a hidden psychological map pointing exactly toward where healing needs to happen.

In an Imago framework, "doing the work" looks like:

• The Imago Dialogue: Moving away from reactive, defensive arguments and learning the art of structured mirroring, validation, and empathy. You learn to truly hear your partner instead of just waiting for your turn to speak.
• Recognizing the "Childhood Blueprint": Understanding that we are unconsciously drawn to partners who trigger our oldest, unmet childhood needs—and realizing that our partner's frustrating behaviors are often a reaction to their own unresolved wounds.
• Becoming a Healer for Each Other: Transforming your relationship into a safe container where you actively help consciously heal each other's past pain, rather than accidentally rubbing salt in it.

The Work is Collaborative (And You Don't Have to Do It Alone)

Ultimately, "doing the work" simply means choosing awareness over autopilot. It means having the courage to look at the patterns that keep you feeling stuck, anxious, or disconnected, and choosing to build a new path forward.

You don’t have to show up to therapy with all the answers, a perfect agenda, or your life completely figured out. You just have to show up exactly as you are, ready to slow down and explore.

Ready to begin? If you are navigating the profound transitions of the perinatal period, looking to transform how you relate to your partner through Imago therapy, or interested in meaningful change in your own personal life, let’s navigate it together.